ASNN

98-pound weakling

I only eat food in bar form. When you concentrate food, you unleash its
awesome power, I'm told. That's why I'm compressing 5 pounds of spaghetti
into one handy mouth-sized bar.
[He eats the bar and swallows. He then dials the phone.]
Hospital, please.
-- Homer eating a spaghetti-bar, "King of the Hill"

This came to mind as I sit here, "eating" my 1510-calorie, 35-fat-gram, 73-protein-gram, 229-carbohydrate-gram protein-shake-and-whole-milk-with-banana breakfast. After three weeks of eating everything I can find and working out three times a week, I'm proud to say...

I've lost a pound. Verdammt metabolism.