Nearly two weeks ago, I wrote about being tired of this and that - basically, I was tired of doing The Right Thing(TM). I had just quit smoking and was tired of doing that right thing just because I was convicted it was right. Everything was just what I was supposed to do, not because anyone else told me but because I knew what God wanted from my life. Namely, He wanted all of it.
I gave up. Well, I "surrendered". Just like I have had to surrender everyday to keep from spiralling into my addictions. Just like I have had to surrender everyday to keep my sanity with the stuff I'm going through. I'm like the French - I surrender at the first sign that things might not work out. ;-) But seriously, I'm convinced that I am more helpless than ever in my life, and it's been the most liberating thing ever.
Not that I sit around waiting for God to rescue me. I've "continued to work out my salvation with fear and trembling" - I've just realized that at the end of the day, I need God to fill in the blanks, that I'll never get it right. So I keep walking and watch God build the bridge under my feet as I go, one step at a time.
That's how it was with smoking. I didn't know why I was getting such a strong sense to stop. But I was, and I really believed that God could show me something through my quitting. So I stopped and started walking in a new direction. Sure enough, God provided the bridge...
...and my life has exploded in fun, enjoyment, activity, blessings, and relationships. I'm especially thankful for a friendship that has blossomed over the past two years into such beauty, grace, comfort, love. All because I have let God do what He wants with my life with His timing.
So yeah, I'm still tired. But now I'm feeling tired because I'm trying to keep up with all of the blessings God is pouring out in my life. I pity all of you simply because I am, quite possibly, the most blessed man alive.
Posted by pcg at February 23, 2005 10:53 PM